If in the future you tell me this is love, I will not disappoint you
by Lanie McCoy
Summary: That old song prompt: Put on your music program on shuffle/random and start playing songs; for each song, write something inspired by the song, and stop writing as soon as the song ends. I picked Yuugi/Yami as my inspiration. No one is surprised.
1. Sympathy for the Martyr

"You can't take anything back."

Maybe it's a cruel thing to say, but the beginning must be harsh. A forced start.

"You did some terrible things. You were in a terrible position. You always had to be proving yourself to everyone, all the time."

They both know where this is going. Nowhere new.

"But you don't have to define yourself by those things. You don't have to be that person anymore, you don't have to defend him. You don't have to stand by yourself, and you'll be stronger if you accept the help that your…that I'm trying to give you."

A little bit spiteful, a little bit desperate.

"Please."

For a long time, nothing happens.

Then, just before he gives up, just before today becomes another day like all the others, one of the doors opens. Then another. Three more.

Then it stops.

It's something.


	2. Håll om mig

It's pretty fucked up.

Stockholm syndrome? Maybe a little, in a way. But he doesn't care. It started off at a weird angle and never really changed, and he can't imagine it any different.

At least his other half isn't trying to murder their enemies any more, so that's something.

The most surprising thing was the first time he said the words—you know the ones. "I love you." That's always the big one, isn't it? Such a cliché, but it still means so much when it finally comes up. The next big surprise was the first kiss, but it's gotten to that place where he can't remember any more what the big deal was, and doesn't really want to imagine life without it.

They're everything to one another, is what it comes right down to. Inseparable in every single way.

Together forever, heart and soul.


	3. Living Louder

"I would sacrifice myself for you."

It sounds so melancholy, but that isn't how he meant it. Yugi smiles as if he knows how it was supposed to come out. He always does.

"It's only fair, huh? Considering how much I've done for you."

He isn't sure how to respond to that, but Yugi seems to have meant it as a joke.

"I mean it," he says. This needs to be done right. "You've helped me so much, given so much of yourself so selflessly for me, you… You've made me a better person." It's a lot to take in, so he tries to lighten the mood. "You're awfully mature for such a cute little guy."

Yugi blinks too many times, too fast. Looks away, not too subtly. Is he crying?

"I don't want to think about what'll happen when this is over."

"That's a long way off."

It's a reflexive response, probably not true but sincere and meant to be a comfort. It's old, though, played-out, so he tries again.

"We don't know what will happen at the end. Maybe everything will turn out all right for us."

It's a blatant lie this time, but they both want so badly for it to be real that for right now, for a little while, they are happy just to pretend.

"I will never stop loving you as hard as I can."

It's a very nice dream.


	4. Maybe

It's very cold, wherever he is. He isn't quite sure; somewhere dark. Somewhere alone, by choice, because he can't do this right now.

The other him, his other half, he's just going to _leave._ When everything is said and done, when their mission is complete, what will be left? What will there be?

Memories. Stories. Pictures in his head growing dimmer and dimmer with age.

Nothing.

Like he was never here at all. And wouldn't that have been better, in the long run?

Whoever said it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all must have been talking about something else. The very idea of losing this thing that they've built between them, losing this connection makes him _sick,_ and he doesn't know what will happen when he actually has to _do_ it. Doesn't know if he _can._

But he has to, doesn't he? Isn't that the rub. He'll have to, whenever it happens. He won't be able to choose. That's what it all comes down to, that none of this is his choice. Never has been.

He wants to tell him everything, wants to make him _understand,_ because he doesn't, he can't understand because if he did, he wouldn't be making these plans to just _go,_ wouldn't be making this out to be some casual thing that has to be done, that they can't fight or go against or decide it isn't fair.

He wishes more than anything that what he feels could be called hatred, but he knows better.

_Don't make this all a waste._


	5. Irony

Having trouble sleeping?

"That's nothing new."

Is there anything I can do to help?

"I don't think so."

Maybe talking about it will help.

"…"

You don't have to if you don't want to.

"No, I was just thinking…"

About the tablet?

"…"

It's okay, whatever you thought of it.

"We…we did everything right, didn't we? And our reward is to never see each other again?"

…

"I'm glad you'll find out about yourself, and what happened in your past, but it doesn't seem fair."

I never wanted to hurt you.

"I didn't think you did."

I'm sorry this has to happen.

"What a stupid wish that was."

…

"Sorry, nothing."

You're talking about the wish you made on the puzzle when you first put it together?

"…"

But you do have friends now, who care about you very much.

"And I'm grateful for them."

So it was a good wish.

"I just…didn't think about the other side of things."

Other side?

"What happens when you find people to love and then you lose them."

It's one of the perils of forging those kinds of bonds.

"I shouldn't be, but I can't help being worried about you going off on your own like that."

I won't be alone.

"I know."

…

"…"

I mean that I'll always have you with me.

"Oh…"

I'll always be with you, too.

"I wish we had more time, you and I."

Hey, hey. Come on now. If those were the last words you ever got to say, what kind of ending would that be?

"Not a very good one, I guess. The future is full of possibilities, right? I just have to keep my head up."

I'm very glad we got to meet.


	6. Say (All I Need)

It's moments like this that make him wonder.

Private moments. Little things. The two of them, together, in some secret place outside the boundaries of anything that matters. It's been another disappointing day, another long hunt for _something,_ but no one knows quite _what,_ and they are here now, sitting together. Just sitting. The other holds him close and asks for nothing.

_This is all I need._

But this is not all he will receive.

_When we find it…_

The question is a harsh one.

_When we find what you are seeking, will I be able to let you go?_

It is especially masochistic because it is not really a question. He knows he will not have a choice.

But in these moments, in private, he does not stop himself from making the promise.

_We will last forever._


	7. Heaven

They are in a tumultuous place, the two of them.

They know everything that ever needed knowing. They have collected all the pieces, and all that remains is to open the door. They even know what they will find on the other side.

It's unfortunate that they also know that their hearts are not really in it anymore.

They've covered all the options; all those things that aren't really options, too, just to say they've been everywhere. Every time, they come back to the same truth:

_I don't want you to leave._

_I don't want to leave you._

They are fundamentally the same thing, but somehow, together, they form a whole picture made of something new.

Yugi tries to put a good face on it, because he sees the decency in all things.

"You'll find everything you've been searching for this whole time. Everyone who's been waiting for you, everything you've always wanted, it's all there for you. This is the best way things could end."

This is not that time.


	8. Promise Me

If, for even a moment, he thought that the end of all things would bring him any serenity, would permit him to go at all gentle into that good night…

Everything is a whirlwind, shapes, colors, sounds, the timeline bending into a Mobius strip, the slideshow of this wonderful tragedy—their first meeting during Bakura's Shadow Game, revealing themselves to Yugi's friends, and each other; his own single-minded dedication nearly resulting in Kaiba's death and Yugi's tremendous fear of him, then later refusing to leave a burning building because he needed wanted _needed_ to rebuild the puzzle, to save him; the disaster of the Oreichalcos duel, Yugi's sacrifice and his crippling guilt, a necessary step in becoming better people; Yugi going to the ends of the Earth, to every extreme to find Atem's name, for everything it meant…

Each one distinct and terribly dear, a tender glow here or there, a soft haze, a mysterious silhouette that is not really a mystery because he knows it all, remembers every second just as well as the other. Or even better; he swears some of the blues are not as electric as he knows they were, some of the lights not as bright. The edges not as clean.

But all of it, even the sorrow, is beautiful, in its way; the regret, the disgust, the agony, helping to make the good moments all the sweeter, critical in building to the sunset curtain into which all such journeys must ultimately fade.

He would be content to walk along that strip for the rest of forever, but no one would be truly happy with that ending. It does not feel like a perfect fit, either, imposing himself on top of these recollections, all covered with a veneer of such nostalgia, but he needs so badly for their finale when it comes to hold on tight to everything that was real, good and bad in tandem to create the best ending, the purest and the richest ending, that he cannot help but ask for one last thing, one desperate, wanting thing:

_Please._

_Remember ours as a time in your life you enjoyed._


	9. Live Like You Were Dying

A letter to my other self.

Well, I guess you know how my year started off, don't you? That was really something, when you left. We had a pretty close call getting out of that tomb, you know! Not that it's your fault, of course. Boy, when I think about that kind of thing… I know I've fought my way through a lot these last few years, I've been through so much and come out a better person for it, but…I'm just a kid, when you get right down to it. It's all been a lot to take, and then to end it all like that…

That sounds kind of self-absorbed, I guess. I don't mean to; I'm grateful to you, I really am. You and me together, we did so much and helped so many people, and made so many great accomplishments, so…thank you.

Since you left, I've spent a lot of time with our friends, hanging out and doing normal high school stuff. Working hard in everything we do, playing games when we have time, thinking about the future like our teachers tell us to. Thinking about the past, too, even though we're not supposed to get too caught up in it. And you know, it's not always me who brings the conversation back to you. Well, I can admit that I'm the worst offender. I'm having some trouble moving on, even though you asked me to. I haven't forgotten my promise or anything; it's just hard, you know? But I've gotten much better at controlling my impulse to talk to you, so that's something, I guess. I still have it sometimes, even though you aren't here, but it really is much better.

Everything reminds me of you at least a little bit. I bet it always will. But it's okay; that way, at least I know I'll always keep you with me. I'll remember that I feel more strongly thanks to you, that I live more completely. You give me something to strive for, and even if I can never really get there, I still just want you to know. So thanks for everything. And please remember that I'll always love you.

Your friend,  
Yugi


	10. Through the Ghost

"—so that in spite of the well-chronicled events at Kul Elna, Atem should indeed be credited with great accomplishments; it is difficult to think of anyone else to compete with his stature and impact. Looking back upon the age and deeds of Atem, it is impossible to be indifferent toward him; he belongs to the category of distinguished names—"

Yugi slams the book shut and doesn't hurl it across the room, but it's a near thing. What right do these bastards have to say anything about Atem? What do they know? A bunch of propaganda, the stuff seen fit to keep on record, that's all this is. "Well-chronicled events at Kul Elna," that's total bullshit. All the struggle, the deception and backstabbing and hardship surrounding the massacre there, coloring Atem's rule, everything he fought so hard to master and overcame with so much strife, so much hard work… These people, these _scholars,_ they don't _know._ What gives them the right to call themselves authorities? To try to teach other people, as though they have some kind of insight?

His hands are shaking, as they do. He balls them into fists to get the tremor under control and looks out the window.

He doesn't know what he's expecting, but whatever it is, he doesn't find it.

_I miss you._

He rests his chin in his palms, and keeps looking.

_Do you miss me, too?_

And now what?

It's been years.


End file.
